First Things First

Question:
How do you still put your spouse first? (When all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, AND homeschool prep needs to be done?) 🙂 My hubby is gently telling me… I miss you.

Answer:
I am so happy that you have recognized a need for change. This aspect of marriage is often overlooked but is of paramount importance to the harmony of the entire home.

The Almighty Ever Living ordained marriage to merge two aspects of His image, two different personalities, into one, creating a complete being. Matthew 19:5 gives us the commandments of marriage – leave, cleave, become one flesh.

When your hubby tells you, “I miss you,” what he is really trying to carry out is his responsibility of cleaving. To cleave is to adhere with strong attachment. It is to stick like glue, not letting one single thing get between.

It is so important that we do not allow anything to come between us wives and our husbands. We must be careful not to give to other persons or activities the time and attention that rightfully belong to our husbands, and this includes children, friends, jobs (inside or outside of the home), leisurely activities, etc.

It is all too common that children usurp the husbands place in the family. “The squeaky wheel gets the grease” as they say, and children sure can squeak. 🙂 And as we well know, homeschooling and all the extra responsibilities it entails can leave us pretty low on grease! But to make the mistake of allowing anything, be it children, homemaking, or homeschooling, to deprive a husband and wife of the time it takes to cultivate a loving marriage hurts everyone, including the children.

So how do we make “cleaving” happen?

First off, pray for direction. It is a righteous request to want to cleave to your husband.

Second off, discuss with your husband a time that would best suit you both. Everyone has a different situation and work schedule. Some work-at-home couples can manage shorter together times throughout the day, while others may choose an hour or two after children are in bed. See what will work for both of you.

Third, explain to your children what you plan on doing and why, going to the Bible as the authority, and enlist their help in making it happen. You can call it Mommy and Daddy Cleave Time. This will help them more than you might realize in establishing and nurturing relationships with their own spouses in the future.

Fourth, plan your time wisely, so that your time with your husband will be his time. If it means less time on the computer, or in front of the television, then so be it. It is a sacrifice worth making.

Fifth, put Martha on hold when need be. If your husband would rather you sit and watch a movie or play a game with him, than attack Mount Dishmore, then remember Mary and choose what’s right. To turn him down is to stifle his built in cleaving mechanism. It leaves him incomplete.

I think I’ll end this blog post now, and go do some cleaving of my own. 🙂

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4 thoughts on “First Things First”

  1. Thank you for this post….As hard as we try, with kids and homeschooling and work (even if you work from home) we tend to lose sight of how important it is to spend quality time with our husbands!! We don’t intentionally try to ignore them, we just get caught up in everything else. We try to have a date night every few weeks, and I’ve noticed that helps A LOT!! Like you said, sometimes we will have to sacrifice our time to give them their time, but it makes them happy and they work so hard to keep a roof over our heads and to protect our families that we owe them some quality time to say thank you!!

  2. This post is perfect for now and really anytime with a homeschool family. It is so hard for me to sometimes remember that “OUR” relationship comes first ~ how important it is to put marriage first. Thanks for this reminder!!

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